Experiencing a Quarter Life Crisis as an Artist

Anybody else going through their quarter life crisis at the moment? 

25 going on 26... 

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I found this article, and went "hey that's me!" - okay I don't relate to ALL of it, per say, but most of them hit me close to home, like on my couch eating my cereal close to home. Then, I found this article of cures for the quarter life crisis, and I must admit I did find most of it legit, I definitely feel inspired to try some out. Oh and can I just say, yes, it is TOTALLY like my life is buffering right now. And I am NOT one for patience with slow wifi connections, you know what I'm saying? 

From here

BUT, an artist, though, I feel there should be a whole other list that is directed at us. Creatives in quarter life crisis. Cause basically it goes something like this:

YAY!!! I got my art degree, I SURVIVED!! WOOHOO! Oh shit, I need a job. But I want to just paint, painting is all I want to do. This world is so unfair, why can't I just paint, why do I need money, why! I need money. Not just for food and basic survival, but for canvasses and paint and supplies so I can keep my painting dream alive. Hmmm. I want to help people through my art, SO BADLY, I want to make enough to not only survive and fuel my painting but to give away. Okay, make that long term goal. Ok you are just starting out at your job so it barely pays anything, I don't even qualify to pay taxes. Which is kinda a win. But not, cause it means I barely have enough to buy new canvasses - have you seen the prices of paint these days?! Maybe if I lived on only two-minute-noodles for a few months... mmmm. Oh, LOOK at this cool new recipe! I must try it! Dammit. Slowly put away money every month, eventually it will be a lot. I am working so hard and I don't make time to paint or write. This is not good. You should. Go do that. Why are you holding yourself back. Winter sucks. It was cold. Artists don't make excuses. Yes, they don't. Why are you holding yourself back. I feel like a wind up toy, that's going to explode. I wish I could go to the beach, I want to go say hi to the big blue ocean. I want to go hike up a mountain. Oh crap I have a deadline. How is there so much dust on my paint tubs? Wait it's the end of August - wait, WHAT? I wish I could have a studio space, where my stuff can stay where they belong, without being packed away by a cleaning lady every week. Looks for studio spaces online, Fuck. I don't have that kind of money. Okay, well one day when I can afford a house I'll make my studio in one of the rooms. Long term goal. Ok, so what now?? Stop holding yourself back. I want to paint, but it's gonna take an hour to set up my space like I want it and then something's gonna distract me cause that happens. Set up, oh the cleaning lady is coming, pack everything neatly so she doesn't hide it away where you will never find it again, I swear she has a key to Narnia. Maybe I should draw? 

You get the gist. SO I've thought of a few things to do to break free from this predicament, or at least break free from feeling so powerless and confused in the midst of the predicament. Also, so we can truly LIVE in this time of our lives where we feel, like, stuck in a midway between who we were whilst studying and who we are becoming. It's a weird time, I think it necessary for us to embrace it. So here goes: 

1) Find a cause - if your favourite isn't nearby, find another one close by. I recently discovered the Santa Shoebox Project - and I am PSYCHED. I love giving gifts. Preparing gifts. Choosing gifts. Thinking of ways to make gifts super special. And it is for kids. To help them and bring them some kindness and love and smiles to their faces. Click here if you would like to find out more and become a supporter - pledging starts 1 September! They even have a dope Pinterest page to help you with creative, affordable ideas! I think one day it will be a perfect way to teach my kids the true meaning of Christmas, not receiving but giving, bringing joy to another person's life. Helping out those less fortunate than you are. I will probably have to be restrained in order NOT to spend all my money dollars on this! 

More awesome (South African based) good causes you can go support: - CANSA - The Sunflower Fund - CHOC - See Saw Do - LIV Village - The Haven Night Shelter - Kids Haven

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2) Visual Journal - I have a pile of books that are like visual representations of who I was each year of studying fine arts. It is insane. They hold hundreds of images that caught my attention and interest at that point in my life. Looking at them now, I see that they helped me make sense of my feelings, helped me organise my thoughts and creative ideas and they helped me grow. Why did I ever stop? Print out everything that inspires you. Stick it in a book. Write down why these images and things make you feel something. Keep adding to this book. This book is your way to finding yourself wherever you may be at this point in your life. 

3) Go take a walk. Not even a jog. Just a walk. Even if it is just in and around the garden, but preferably somewhere out of your usual comfort zone. Botanical gardens are great.  

Victoria Street, Stellenbosch, Circa June 2015
Photograph by San-Marí van Wyk

University of Stellenbosch Botanical Gardens
My favourite place to linger, Circa June 2015
Photograph by San-Marí van Wyk

4) Don't hold yourself back. If you don't understand this, I have no idea how to explain it. Is it fear of success, or fear of failure. I have no clue. But there is times where I feel a physical block in my chest. It keeps me from greatness. And it must die. I think the only way this can happen is if you push through the pain, start when you can't, find time when there really is no time, pick yourself up every new day and make. it. happen. There is no magical quick fix to get over this. There is only your deep burning passion, that fire inside of you that is screaming to get unleashed. Feed it. Feed that fire. Let it burn down all the obstacles you create for yourself.

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5) Write down your dreams and goals, don't forget about them in the midst of the fact that you can't achieve them right this minute, per say. Keep track of them. See them grow and evolve. I mean, I've changed my mind about a gazillion times since I got my degree, regarding what I want to do with my life, right now and in future. The main goals remain the same, but the how seems to be quite flexible at times. But it is OK to change your mind at this age, I believe. You are 25. Sure there are people at this age who seem to have it all figured out. But that's there story. And you need to meditate on where you want to make a difference in this world, and how you are going to go about achieving that. The means may change, there are more than one road leading to any given destination. And it is not wrong to want to change lanes, every now and then. You actually need to do this till you find where you are comfortable. And if the lane you are in is making you car sick and you feel you are going to crash - you are ultimately unhappy with everything about it - take the next turn off. Do whatever it takes, how ever long it takes to reach the place where you feel you are making a difference and where you feel "THIS is friggen AWESOME". Even if it is a long term plan, and is taking long. Be patient. Don't give up. Point is, write down, keep track. Don't be closed minded. You are talented in more than one way. Opportunity may come in unexpected ways. Nurture your different talents, discover new ones and grow into a multidimensional human you can be proud of. 

6) Get your hands DIRTY - Oh, nothing can beat this one. Getting your hands dirty (think messy painting, sticking stuff down using your hands, building something with your hands, the whole nine) is a surefire way to get your creative juices flowing. Put life on hold and just emerge yourself, physically, in the act of creative expression. Get involved with every part of your being. Have FUN. Cross the lines. Make new rules. Be it just in your visual journal, or with your work of art. Go all in, and it will reward you. Mind, body and soul.

The aftermath of good times in my studio, 2013

The aftermath of good times in my studio, 2013

The aftermath of good times in my studio, 2013

7) Relax, life is happening all around you, you don't have to have it all figured out yet. You are an ever changing, ever growing, magical being. Take a breathe, and experience life even if it isn't what you expected it to be at the age you are right now. Take time to figure out what you don't like, what you do like, what you want out of life, what you want out of now, who and what do you see staring back at you in the mirror. Love that person for who they are, even if they aren't who you want to be yet. And, I repeat, it is OK to change your mind. What good is a mind if you can't change it? Breathe in, Breathe out.

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Do you have another favourite cause? Or some good advise for kicking quarter life crisis to the curb, as an artist (or other human being, of course)? Let me know in the comments! 

xOXo

A note to myself... and to all the creatives (and everyone else, actually):

Time is not a friend. It slips by when we aren't paying attention. There's that old piece of lyric going "Life is what happens when you're making other plans" (or something), but I think it's more like "Life is what happens when you aren't paying attention" or "when you get distracted". Life just keeps happening. Are you living it? If you were to disappear now, what is your legacy? If I disappeared, I hope what would be left is a pile of sparkles. Everyone who knows me would understand that sentiment. I would want there to be enough to go around for everyone I love and care for to have a little bit. To help them. How many paintings would you have left unfinished? How many dreams unfulfilled? Did you finish that vision that has been stuck in your head for months? Why do we take life for granted? Do we not get that there is just.one. Length unknown.

Added, we won't be able to do everything we can do right.now throughout the whole of our lives. Maybe we will be able to do more, maybe we will lose certain aspects of ourselves. Change is the only constant. Until your time's up. We never know when that is. So have you done what you wanted to do? Tomorrow never comes. You only ever have different Today's. I think we ignore this like many other facts in life.

Is it that we think it makes life easier to ignore the hard things? Cause, does it really? Or are we just screwing ourselves over in the long run... 

Along with your daily obligations, don't forget to follow your most wildest dreams and be truly happy and LIVE your life, before you wake up and you realise there's no more time.

Don't forget to live the life TODAY that you will remember tomorrow

Time goes by SO fast. Days trickle by like rain drops, one by one, till you have an ocean of memories from the past... which is gone now. Hold on to the wonderful people, who make you smile, who put a smile on your face and excitement in your chest. I miss my friends, I miss allnighters in our tiniest filled-with-the-smell-of-my-5L-glue-tubs-and-her-stopmotionanimation-sets-and-EVERYTHING art studio with the craziest loveliest fuzz ball beautiful girl with the longest hair and the most beautiful brown eyes. I miss those times we climbed the trees at Tuks and at my Dad's house on my birthday.... Remember that time we almost DIED trying to be good and go to a gallery... when I still had the pink bakkie, HA. Remember the cold nights at AfricaBurn and that time before we really knew each other when I helped you to the doctor because no one else thought it necessary yet you were HALF DEAD! I'm glad you made it. You made my life more complete. I miss you SO MUCH.

We moved to Somerset West 29 December 2014. My bubblewrapped paintings are gathering dust at my Dad's house back in the Vaal. So I bought a new canvas recently. After settling in, finding my feet. Started a new job! It is really awesome. But everyone back home keeps asking, "Are you still painting?" and saying "Promise you won't stop painting!".... I never intended to, but time goes by SO fast. And it's been months already. Good thing I started again. I drew, I need to add some paint now. I never even got to finish my last painting. Hopefully my Mom can bring it when they bring down most of our stuff with the big move coming up end February. I love the photo of my new piece in the setting sun. Was probably around 8ish, since that is when it is dusk down here in Summer. Don't let this one gather dust San-Marí.

My uncle sent me the most thoughtful picture I'd like to share with you - I think every artist would appreciate seeing this message at one point or another in their lives as artists:


Don't stop. Even for a second. Okay, even for a day. Paint or draw or be creative, every.day. Or you might wake up to find weeks and months have past. Time is a trickster. It takes ages to get by when we are little children - before we wipe our eyes we are adults (25 anyone?), we moved to a new city, without our Mom and Dad and Grandparents and friends.... we start new jobs and live our lives - don't neglect that vital part of you, your creative spirit, don't let it gather dust, don't get too busy to do what you've dreamt of since you were a little kid, because when you wink you will be old and epic and mostly you will be living on the memories of the people who aren't close by anymore and the things you used to love to do and you will wonder why it's been so long since you've done them. "Nothing lasts forever". Don't forget to live the life TODAY that you will remember tomorrow. Don't forget to paint. And call your Grandma to say I love you.

To every single artist out there who is struggling to get recognition, this is for you xOXo

So after MONTHS of low productivity and feeling icky about myself and my future as an artist I put on my new running shoes and went to the gym, I immediately started to feel better about myself and as I was running on the treadmill it hit me: I am an artist, a living breathing artist - I can do whatever the hell I want!!

I realized that subconsciously I have been stressing about what others think of my work: Why am I not getting into competitions, I worked so hard? What do they want from me? What is the art world looking for? Why isn't my work good enough for the big bad art world? Why am I not getting recognized? All of those thoughts were poisoning my mind and my desire and even energy to be creative and express myself and paint - and even write! Because why would I want to express myself just to be burnt down by a lack of recognition. Yes, I walked into this life after my four years of BA Fine Arts with starry eyed resolve and reality hit me like a plank in the face.

But then, out of the blue, I sold another one of my paintings, through The State of the Art online art gallery, and during that time I was working on an exam project about the Spanish artist Joan Miró and that was a turning point for me because, in one of the readings I had to do, I read:

"Persistence is absolutely fundamental, since creative people typically experience repeated rejection because of their tendency to push the limits and to perceive things in a new way"(Nancy C. Andreasen, 1996)

That was just, wow, I  mean nothing could hit closer to home for me at this point. It still took a little while but two days ago, on that treadmill, I thought to myself I really just want to take a sharpie and play around on a canvas, and then play with paint and who knows what else, I just want to draw and paint and play, and I don't care what "THEY" say, or think or whatever ("they" being the leaders, critics, judges, rulers in general, of the art world). I want to be ME again. Without limitation. So I started working on something completely different from my "known" style, because I wanted to. I'm not famous yet, I can do whatever I want! And I'm having a blast! So to all aspiring young artists who are also struggling to get recognition and "make it", remember Persistence is key, we cannot give up, it might just take a while for people to catch up to our way of seeing the world and expressing it on canvas, or paper, or what have you. It does NOT mean you are not good enough. You are. They just don't get it yet. But don't make that stop you from creating.

xOXo

What are you excited about? Here are a few things that are making me smile at the moment:

Hello all you beautiful people out there! Oh my word, so much has happened since I last wrote on here. I should, I want to, write more, and from now on I am going to make a point of it to dash down my thoughts and feelings about my creative journey and the art world more often. 

I am expanding my horizons, getting my feelers out into this scary, daunting, exciting, constantly changing art world, and soon will have much more to write about it! I would also really love to hear back from my readers so if you get a chance drop me a comment so I can know your thoughts as well :) You can also ask me anything, or what you would like to read about and I'll make a plan!


This post is all about things that are exciting me and one of those things is that me and my awesomeness boyfriend recently celebrated our 2years&8months montheversary and it makes me so happy that we have come so far and climbed over so many mountains and grew so much together. We obviously celebrated by playing pokemon cards for two days straight and it was amazing! Because we tend to always work or watch series in our breaks and we haven't played a game together in forever. So that's the first thing that excites me. Now lets turn to art related stuffs shall we?

As I mentioned before, the Sasol New Signature art competition is coming up pretty soon and I am psyched, I have chosen the paintings that I want to enter, with a little help from my Instagram and Facebook page friends! Haha, if you would like to go put in a vote for which two paintings you like the most and think I should enter just go to my Instagram or my Facebook page :)

Also, although I didn't get a chance to enter the actual competition, the Absa L'Atelier Gala Event is coming up soon and I am going and am excited to be a part of it in just that way. I'll get to meet and talk to some artists and curators and it fits in perfectly with my top secret mission that I am on, that I can't give away yet ;) But it is awesome. And I get to show my artist face and have a presence in the actual real life art world. Exciting - I think YES!

I have a thesis (for my art intervention class) and a lot of other assignments (for my top secret mission) to write at the moment so I am struggling to make time for painting. But time-management skills - I will concur you!

A Thousand Steps

San-Marí van Wyk, Let it Go, 2014.
Acrylic on canvas, 122 x 91.5 cm.
The State of the Art Online Art Gallery

We are in the middle of the year now, can you believe it? The past month I broke away a little from painting realism and went crazy expressionism OUTSIDE on a drop sheet. I felt so much more freedom being able to paint outside - I didn't have to be scared of splattering paint all over my "studio space" in the little room by the front door of the cottage we are renting... 

If I get a fan heater I will for sure continue my realism over my expression paintings because it gets flippen insanely cold in that small room at night! I tried, it is very very difficult to focus and paint when you are freezing yourself into an ice cube.

The Sasol New Signature competition is coming up soon and I am torn between should I do the whole realism over expression paintings, or just do my expression paintings... It's a very difficult decision to make, because I believe in my expression paintings and the power they possess, but who knows who the judges will be and if they will 'get' my whole concept and have an appreciation for my type of art. This competition could help shape my career, get my foot a little further in the door. I guess it all depends on how much I believe in myself.

I read that successful people are those who never gave up. So if I try and don't get in, I just have to keep working harder and harder and try again next year. Keep trying until they notice me.

"Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough"

Don't ever stop dreaming, or give up on your dreams, don't ever stop fighting for your dreams. Even if at first no one else believes in you - as long as you believe in yourself you will show them. You are actually way more awesome than you believe. 

In other news, most of the time our paths won't work out the way we planned or go the way we thought it would. But we have to learn how to deal with the curve balls life throws at us. Maybe we end up doing something we never thought we would, but maybe it actually works out pretty awesomely. Maybe we really want something, like right now, but it seems there are a thousand steps still to take and things to check off a to do/ to achieve list before we can finally have it. I am a very impulsive person, it came with my personality, so I can be very impatient and want to have what I decided I want right now, but I need to take all the steps first, one by one, tick them off, grow, learn, achieve what I need to achieve [perhaps things I never thought I would achieve] and I've got to learn to be patient. The road trip to the destination can be awesome fun you know, and besides in the meantime I have awesome time to prepare for the future and what is to come. Am I the only one going through this? 

Me :)

A look back at April... and what's to come...

Let's see, April... I prepared and gave a bunch of seminars for my "art and intervention" class... it was sooo much work, but really fulfilling work. At the moment we are doing seminars about all the other creative interventions (besides art therapy), I had to prepare dramatherapy and psychodrama and I'm busy finishing up my play therapy seminar. It is so interesting. I wish I had gone to a play therapist or sandbox therapist when I was a kid! I'd even love to go to sandbox therapy now.. but I don't think it's for 'adults'... although I still feel like a kid I guess 24 puts me in the 'adult' category... hmmm... what a weird thing that is. 

This is a summary of April in pictures:

Creating a studio space outside my Mom's house...

Done in 2 minutes... so much more to express.. neeeeed bigger canvasses!

I still need to think of a title for this one...

#Detail... Beautiful cracks...

#Detail...

Got my degree!!

Me and my best friend = *Epic happiness for surviving this tough degree
and kicking its ass - both of us with distinction!!

It was her birthday and (of course) I put a whole heck of
a lot of sparklez in her birthday card which she rubbed all over my face, and hers...
and threw them obviously all over our boyfriend's and on my Dad... it was awesome...  

I think everyone should always where sparklez all over their faces always...
that is how nature intended it to be... I would love to have sparklez all over my face daily...
 It's just so magical... 

I accidentally broke my labtop screen - whilst I had seminars to prepare for -
and my boyfriend came to the rescue hooking up the big computer screen
 to my labtop... this has absolutely nothing to do with my art but the whole set up
 was just so funny and awesome and I just had to share it...

Going from 190 cm x 190 cm to this little bitch canvas was a tough challenge...
but I had the extra canvasses and I just had to use them...
I'm definitely not buying canvasses this small again though... 

San-Marí van Wyk, Remembering, 2014. Acrylic on canvas, 40.64 x 50.8 cm.
I do like the end result though... what do you think?

#Detail.. More beautiful cracks

#Detail.. Paint is awesome...

So I planned on using these brushes and stuff... but I ended up just using plastic spoons..
I found that spoons (the backs of spoons) make excellent brushes...

I just like this photo...

So what's next? Well I entered 7 of my big 190 cm x 190 cm works into the "Future Generation Art Prize" international competition... but we only hear from them in June... I am super excited about it and very hopeful, I hope and believe my artworks will find their place somewhere in this world, and an international competition is maybe just what I need... So hold thumbs... 

I'm still working on my concept revolving around blindfolds as a metaphor for us never being able to see what's going to happen in the future, where we will be exactly, who will be in our lives... good and bad... we have to make our choices and it's like walking a path blindfolded.. hopefully you have something/someOne guiding you... but it is still blindly trusting and we don't know if we are going to fall or bump our heads or hit a wall, we can only hope there is a door somewhere in that wall that we can find and that will lead us to an awesome place... anyway, point is, life is like walking a path blindfolded. 

But I recently got obsessed with the song "Never Grow Up" by Taylor Swift, one of my all-time favorite songs... it really hits close to my heart.. when I was a kid I use to remind myself to enjoy every moment of playing and having care-free fun.. because I knew I was going to grow up too fast.. and I never wanted to... I never wanted to grow up. So now at 24 and feeling how I am maturing and becoming more and more grown up I hold on tightly to 12 year old (and younger) San-Marí inside my heart.. and the memories of the house I grew up in... my purple room with the blue waves painted in the center and the green stripes above and below... screwing hooks into my ceiling so I can drape linen around my bed and make a secret hide out... my grandparent's home... my grandfather working in his garden... and doing his crossword puzzles... walking outside under the big tree with my grandma... my mom coming to fetch me after work by them and us talking and laughing in the car ride home and seeing the beautiful sunset... riding bicycle endlessly... playing spy with my two best friends... believing the world was just full of sparklez and rainbows... I want to capture that... I frankly can't wait to start painting around this concept...